Reddit’s new Chairman Pao “It’s not [Reddit’s] goal to be a completely free-speech platform. We want to be a safe platform.”


EllenPaongyang North Korea — From the desk of glorious leader, Sun of the Communist Future, Party Center, Her Excellency Ellen Pao:

Our Great Chairman Pao brings even more prosperity to us glorious North Koreans

Respected comrade Ellen Pao has been Commander in Chief of reddit for a mere three months.   Already the living conditions of our people have been going up tremendously under her rule of clarity, as if we could possibly be asking for any improvement to our idyllic lives.  Comrade Pao is investing the republics resource in a manner that is most wise and the statistics released by the Ministry of Propaganda are there to prove it: her absolutely not openly gay 10 years of his life husband Buddy Fletchers totally legitimate, not a Ponzi scheme hedge funds have grown a quadrillion Pao-dollars!  Our super successful lawsuits against the capitalist pigdogs have made infinity dollars and Made Ellen a hero of the people!

The manner in which Pao works relentlessly so we are able to live in incredible abundance is admirable. The people of the world should follow her much needed advice, since it seems their societies are condemned to failure. At this very moment, the majority of Americans are scavenging for food in the streets, eating rats and trash. Their Canadian counterparts, weakened by the leper and the scurvy, have resorted to the means of sustenance of their ancestors and are eating wood. In Europe, since there are no forests anymore and all the garbage has been ingested, cannibalism is common. Don’t they understand that our glorious system is the only one that works? Aren’t you glad to be under the protective wing of Comrade Ellen Pao, or would you rather live in caves like the Australians, eating snakes and scorpions?

*fact Ellen Pao has never pooped, but the ministry of medicine says if she did it would be the worlds most succulent aroma with immediate health benefits to all who were lucky enough to smell it making them immortals like Ellen Pao

Now in the interests of perfection of a most glorious technology world for women and reunification our best free speech advocated have decided we must be protected from the horrors of free speech such as anything against Chairman Pao’s glorious vision* and anything she does not want you to read.  Here is a collected archive of those things that have been removed, you are absolutely not to click them, they are only here for demonstration purposes:

Many more news articles, comments, and entire threads have been removed by those stupid enough to question Pao.  Along with this the report function has been updated and children in the Ellen Pao youth league have been encouraged to report on their parents.


Ellen Pao for a better safer Reddit Let’s Glorify Ellen Pao’s Idea of Party Building and Exploits for All Ages!


credit to /r/EllenPaongyang, Alejandro Argandona for the art and concept

*fact: Chairman Pao’s Glorious Vison was literally handed to her by a dove, spit out by a whale as it jumped over her high fiving her with it’s fin, immediately after she was born on the tallest mountain by walking down a quadriple rainbow from the heavens.

Leave a Reply